1) to reward ourselves for doing it. It’s a big deal and needs to be treated like a big deal.
2) to show others it can be done.
3) if you’ve been maintaining a good stretch of NC but fell short in the past, write about your struggles and how you overcame them.
4) if you’re struggling, tell us and how we can help.

Your “count” is up to you. Don’t let someone else say “Oh don’t start over” or “You have to start over.” This is about learning to be true to yourself, to be honest. Is a Facebook peek breaking NC? Yes, it is. Do you “need” to count it? I would but it’s up to you. NC time is important because it shows us that we do have power and control over what we do and how it affects us. If we say “I have 30 days of NC” it’s up to you to know if that is an honest count or not. Don’t set yourself up by counting NC time when you are not NC. The thought that you’re not being true to yourself will eat at you more than starting the count again. And please don’t tell anyone they do or do not have to start their count over. If someone asks, “Is this breaking NC?” you can weigh in with your opinion.

NC is about you. It’s about knowing you have control over your life and your impulses. It’s about rewarding yourself for NC time and showing others it can be done.

No contact (NC) is truly the key to moving on. It’s a big, important topic which is why it’s the first chapter in the book.

Even if you work with, have children with, mutual friends with, NC is possible in that you only speak when you have to, you don’t get into emotional issues, everything is very business like. If you don’t share anything like that, going NC is very important: CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

Anyway, long before the book came out we gave NC chips for staying NC for various lengths of time (as they do in 12-step programs). We also talk about issues and struggles for those not NC a long time. We have 24 hour chips which means for this 24 hours you will commit to NC!

I notice a lot of you have struggled and slipped into the “Breaking NC” pool of sludge. If you break NC or respond to your NC-breaking bananahead ex, you don’t “go back to square one.” You have had progress along the way and it’s easier once you’ve done it a while to do it again. So shower and get right back to NC. And tell us what you’ve learned Dorothy.

So leave your concerns, issues, questions, stories here and

Come get your chips!!!

NC Chips

24 hours: white
30 days: yellow
60 days: green
90 days: blue
6 months: purple
9 months: red
1 year or more: GOLD

Pick up your chip! Tell us what chip you get and how you did it. Share your NC power of example! Talk about how long you’ve been NC and what it’s been like for you.

I would also suggest, in the way of being good to you, to BUY yourself an actual chip, a real chip and keep it on your dresser/bureau or some other prominent place as a reminder of how WELL you are doing. Standard poker chips are fine but the gold ones can be a nice round gold piece from a jewelry store or buy a chain with a nice round gold pendant. If you’ve been a NC you definitely deserve something nice. There have been other suggestions on here such as keeping a jar and filling it with something nice for every day NC or some other way to mark the time and see how strong you are. Make your symbol REAL and not just virtual! And TELL US what you did or bought or how you celebrated!

If you’re struggling with NC, talk about your biggest challenges to NC and what is standing in your way and if you need help/support.

What are your challenges? What are your issues? We are all here for each other!

How is everyone doing?

In the past we have had many users with similar names (moving on, moving forward, getting over it, getting past it etc) and it’s really hard for us to remember each person’s story and circumstances without a memorable name. Or it’s easy to mix people up (and you don’t want that!) With the new ability to friend and pm, it’s important for us to know who we’re talking to.

Please think carefully about your username. It helps if we can remember who you are and distinguish each other. It’s helpful to the community and to giving you support (if your name is memorable, your story will be too).

THANKS!